Mitt Romney Is Gutless And Pathetic

by Michael Luciano

On Monday, Trump frenemy Mitt Romney graciously accepted the endorsement of the president in his bid to be the next U.S. Senator from Utah.

Not that Mittens needed it, since he’s going to cakewalk to victory regardless of what Trump says about him. In fact, the only way Romney loses this election is if Joseph Smith comes back from the dead, declares his candidacy, and accuses Romney of being gay for having just one wife. Smith 2020: Make Utah Straight Again!

Speaking of zombies, the headline says Romney is gutless and pathetic, which is probably true. But there’s another possibility here: Trump is a zombie and he bit Romney at some point, and that’s why Romney – who just less than two years ago gave a 17-minute speech calling Trump “a phony” and “a fraud” – is now shuffle-walking to Trump’s tune. I mean, look at this:

That is some visceral shit.

Then a funny thing happened: Trump won. And Romney, like so many of his Republican brethren, got the Trump bug and went into grovel mode.


Sometimes is a picture truly is worth a thousand (or a few million) tweets.

This photo was taken when President-Elect Trump’s cabinet was taking shape. Romney was reportedly in the mix for an appointment, perhaps Secretary of State. So he went to kiss the ring. During dinner with The Donald, Mitt reached down into his magic Mormon underwear, ripped off his own testicles, and placed them on the table for Trump to keep in a jar somewhere in the Executive Residence.

Despite Romney’s willingness to show Trump what a good little neutered dog he can actually be, Romney wasn’t nominated for Secretary of State or anything else – a non-move everyone saw coming except Romney. Trump holds grudges, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to make Romney Secretary of anything except the Department Of Ass-Kissing, which rest assured as soon as Congress legislates it into existence, Republicans will be lining up for a crack.

But maybe now sufficient time has elapsed and Romney’s made enough undignified overtures to Trump that it will convince the president that Mitt’s been brought to heel, which he has been. And after months of rumors swirling about Rex Tillerson’s possible departure from State, a Romney appointment could be back in play.

On the other hand, this may well be a sort of Trumpian long con to once again humiliate a man who continues to allow himself to be humiliated by the man he once rightly called a fraud.

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